Life As I See It.

Life is fickle.

2011-09-07T01:11:00.001-06:00

It's true. Life is a fickle, fickle fiend.

An update: my mission has been postponed.

A few weeks ago, when a mission call should have been sent to me, a letter got sent to my stake president instead. There were a bit of health struggles a little while ago (I'm not dying!) and the brethren feel as though we need a bit more time to pass to make sure I can continue to be a successful, healthy little missionary before they send me half way around the world/country/state. I can reapply in May.

Surprised? A little. Disappointed? Yes. Sad? Definitely. Discouraged? No way.
I will still continue to prepare and plan for a mission! I just have eight more months to do it.

Thanks to all (Josh and Susan! ...and Nicole!) for the wonderful support and encouragement. This is not the end, merely a 'To Be Continued..."

Surprise.

2011-07-21T09:34:00.003-06:00

For my one friend who reads this blog (thanks Josh), I have some rather exciting news! I have decided to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. More exciting than that, my papers are in!! I started on Sunday, in by Wednesday. That has to be some kind of record...

But even though it sounds like it was a super fast, maybe even rash, decision, this is something I have been thinking and praying about for quite some time. Since I was a Beehive, I always wanted to be a missionary. Everyone told me I'd be married long before I would have the chance to go as a single sister. I half believed them, and they were almost right.

So much has happened in the past year; so much has changed, but my desire to serve a mission has remained a constant. Now that I have finally made my decision official, nothing has ever felt so right. I cannot remember a time that I have felt this peaceful, joyful, or complete. I have such a testimony of the restored gospel of Christ. I cannot wait to share His message with the people of Nebraska, Africa, or whatever place the Lord sends me.

So, surprise! Sorry I didn't tell anyone sooner, but if you really knew me, this probably doesn't seem like a surprise to you at all.

Be happy.

2010-06-27T12:16:00.001-06:00

Why does everything seem to be so complicated lately? So confusing and unclear? There are so many things to think about, worry about, stress about, figure out... Where are the things to be happy about, excited about, laugh about, feel peace about? Answer? -They're here. Right here, wherever 'here' is. It doesn't matter if you are in Texas, Tennessee, or Turkey. The 'here' is wherever you are because it's inside you. You are the only thing standing in your way of being happy. Take a second to look around you. Chance are there is at least ONE thing that you can smile about. A favorite pair of jeans. Your 'feel good' music. Pictures. The green grass and trees outside your window. The warmth of the sun. No? What about your faith? Your beliefs. Your freedom. Your convictions, ambitions, and passions. What about the people around you? Your friends. Your family. The sweet old couple in the park. The stranger who smiles at you passing by.
Happiness is one thing that is not complicated. It's simple. It's a choice. Choose today to be happy. Take 10 minutes out of your busy, stressful, worrisome day to close your eyes, breathe, and think of all of the things that you have to be grateful for. Open your eyes, stretch your lips into a grin, and go face the rest of your day. Do it twice if you want- 5 minutes in the morning, 5 minutes at the end of the day. Or try it for 2 minutes five times a day. However you decide, get your 10 minutes in somewhere. Do this for seven days. At the end of the week, I dare you to even try to tell me you aren't happier.

Being happy does not rely on the situations that surround us. It comes from what we make of them.
"I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.
-James Openheim

Where can I get one??

2010-06-26T13:57:00.002-06:00

This little boy is the cutest thing on the planet.

Words of Wisdom.

2010-05-12T17:50:00.002-06:00

Be careful who you give your heart to.

So,

so

careful.

Honest Scrap.

2009-06-21T21:12:00.001-06:00

"First, list 10 honest things about yourself and second, pass this on to 7 bloggers who you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap."

Disclaimer: I am only doing this for my sister, Whitney, because she passed it on to me...

10. If I was born a boy, I would be Michael Alexander Deer instead of Mikhael Alexandra Doe.
9. I'm not really a huge fan of germs...
8. I don't know when to quit.
7. I used to be the world's biggest perfectionist.
6. I love public speaking. I love forum debate.
5. I am a 'people-pleaser'.
4. I can't whistle or snap my fingers.
3. I rarely fall for anyone but when I do I fall hard.
2. I hate change. I hate letting go.
1. I have some of the greatest friends on the planet.

Freedom.

2009-04-22T11:15:00.000-06:00

Ah, yes- the day has finally come... I'm free!! From classes, from finals, from BYU, and most importantly from the HBL library! For the next four hot, humid, relaxing, carefree, fun-filled, beautiful months, I am free. Oh, happy day!

I love the spring. I especially love the spring in Provo, Utah, and more specifically on BYU campus in Provo, Utah. People litter the grass like dandelions, all dressed in yellows and pinks, wearing shorts and sandals. It is a beautiful thing. Spring flings start to bloom and summer romance begins to fill the air. Smiles and laughs are exchanged warmly in the sunshine and blossoms from the trees speckle the sidewalks with color. Everyone seems to be glowing and emanating a spirit of cheerfulness. Parks are full of soccer balls, frisbees, and picnic blankets. Rooftops are occupied by sun bathers by day and blissful lovers by night. The fresh air is welcomed eagerly to swirl through open windows and doors. Contented sighs and giggles float up from the streets below... the perfect soundtrack to summer.

And what a better way to kick off summer vacation than with a cruise to Mexico with 80 of your closest friends! We'll be driving down on Friday to spend a day or two under the sunny Los Angeles sky until Sunday when we'll be Mexico bound. Don't worry, I'll post pictures ;)

This summer will be filled with tearful goodbyes, but also with long awaited hellos. It will be a summer of fun and family, of change and soul searching, but most of all- love.

Happy sunshine, everyone! Go outside and enjoy it!!

Optimism.

2009-02-24T20:22:00.007-07:00

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." -Maria Robinson
If there was ever a day to start a new ending, today was definitely the day. Today had the most outrageously gorgeous weather I have felt in months. There's nothing better than walking to school with your best friend in February wearing shorts, and I can't think of anything more perfect than hitting up the park after class to toss a ball around with your other bestie. And to end the day, another Anna-Mikhael adventure and more priceless memories made with the best roommate ever. Beautiful.
At this point in life, it becomes increasingly more difficult to face the bombardment of trials put in front of us with a smile. The refiner's fire seems to be glowing hotter and hotter with every step forward and there does not seem to be any sign or intention to cool. It is in these moments of suffocating heat that we need to look for the simple joys, the tender mercies. Spontaneous study sessions with a friend, lunch with pals from home, taking the scenic route on the walk home from school, any little thing that can put a smile on our face and remind us of the many things and people the Lord has blessed our lives with despite our adversaries. If we do this, I've found that our lives will be filled with much more happiness and a greater sense of fulfillment. There is always, always hints of silver in the gray, you just have to keep your head above water long enough to see it. Our Father in Heaven is mindful of each of us and every circumstance and situation we find ourselves in is for our benefit, no matter how strenuous or awful they are. He has not and will never forsake us. Have faith in Him and we will feel joy. With this mindset, it is easy to have a clearer prospective and motivation to become everything we want to be in this life.
No one can escape their past, but they can determine their future. Today is the day to start writing our new ending, and we will keep rewriting it every day by our works and faith, persevering through the storms, finding gladness in all things, until one day when it truly is the end, we can look back and be happy with what we gave.

Love.

2009-02-21T15:05:00.002-07:00

"If what they say that 'Nothing lasts forever', then what makes love the exception?"
Quite possibly one of the most overlooked song lyric of all time. Easy to do when OutKast's G-Funk music is backing it, but go listen to this version of Hey Ya by Mat Weddle and really listen to the lyrics, it will change your life. Alright, maybe not life changing, but pretty close...
So what does make love the exception? They say Love is a many splendored thing- yes love, lifts us up where we belong... Love is a feeling, it's an emotion, an attitude, a state of being. It is an attachment to another. Love, true love, is not just a one way street, it takes two. When two people are in love, it is one of the most blissful, wonderful, and magical things that could ever happen. It comes so naturally, like breathing. Two become one, every emotion and thought is experienced together in tandem with one another.
Unreciprocated love feels just the opposite. It is one of the most excruciating, discouraging, and uncontented feelings ever imaginable. It is much like being surrounded by air but being completely unable to breathe. You grasp madly for something you cannot see and only come up with fistfuls of emptiness. The emotional despair you feel inside becomes a very real, outward physical pain and all hope and confidence dissipates. It is an awful place to be.
So why try? Why take the risk? Is it truly better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Almost 50% of all first marriages fail. Love has gone from "forever and ever, babe" to "for now and tomorrow, dear." What happens in the transition from puppy love to the dog house? Lack of patience? Miscommunication? Annoyance? Boredom? Weight gain? Early baldness? What is it?
Words of wisdom from Dan in Real Life: love isn't a feeling, it's an ability. I believe it is both. There is no denying it is a hormonal mystery. There is also no denying that lasting love requires a whole slew of skill sets that take a lifetime to master. I believe that if you can love someone once, you can always love them. It may not always be the same carbon copy of that love, but it is still love and it is still there. Love is not always butterflies and fireworks. Sometimes it's not even laughs or smiles. It's work, it's a continual struggle, it's a chase, it's an act of constant forgiveness, but through all these things... it's still love. It's hard to put terms and conditions on love, especially when there are so many different types and only one word to describe them all. We just have to remember that love is love. As complicated and imperfect and untangible as it is, we still love. We must love, for without it we would truly be lost.
Love is what you make of it, so go love and let love.

The Bestest of The Beatles.

2009-01-19T15:04:00.005-07:00

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night,
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

The Best of The Beatles.

2009-01-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

When I find myself in time of trouble,
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom-
Let it be
And in my hour of darkness,
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, Let it be, Let it be
Let it be
Whisper words of wisdom,
Let it be

And when the broken hearted people
Living in this world agree,
There will be an answer
Let it be
For though they may be parted,
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer
Let it be

Let it be, Let it be, Let it be
Let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be...

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me,
Speaking words of wisdom-
Let it be

No wonder everyone hates math...

2008-12-30T17:23:00.001-07:00

Being born into this world not being able to speak, or walk, or do anything for ourselves, one would think that the most difficult part of our lives would be the mastery of these vital abilities; however, this assumption is horrendously flawed. It would seem that the older we get, the better we are at buttoning shirts and feeding ourselves, but the worse we get at effectively handling problems. Our predicaments slowly morph from the simple, clean cut 2 + 2 = 4 to far more complicated and daunting calculus equations with variables beyond comprehension, imaginary integers, and transcendental numbers representing unrealistic quantities. They get messy. They get hard. They take more time and delicacy to solve and there is sometimes even a possibility for there to be more than one correct answer. Then as we progress and grow, the solutions to these problems do not only become a dividend for just ourselves anymore. Our actions and decisions have a nuclear fall out effect on everyone else in our lives as well. These people, their emotions and well-being become exponents and square rooted divisors which add to the stickiness of the problem, requiring more thought and extra necessary steps, only to still arrive at a quadratically irrational conclusion that leaves some factors unresolved.
Some people are born problem solvers. Lucky them, these mathematicians can look at any problem, weigh the options, determine the best choice with the least collateral damage, and carry out the solution flawlessly. But what about those of us who are better at reading than math? My advice? Close your eyes and circle A). B). C). or D). The nice thing about mathematics is that it is consistent. The fundamental principles we learned back in the 1st grade are still applicable now. 3 x 3 will always be 9. 721,985 ÷ 5 will always be 144, 397. Pi will always be 3.14159265358979323846… piece of cake, or pie rather. As the equations become more complex, all of our previous knowledge extends over into the new to help us form the conclusion, the same way life experiences help us conquer the next life crisis. The more we familiarize ourselves with the intricacies, the easier problems become for us.
So we continue to solve our problems, trying all different sized and shaped pieces to fit into the puzzle until we stumble upon one that fits. Trial and error. In an equation, x can represent an infinity of numbers but there is always one that fits, we just need to have the patience and faith that we'll find it.

'Tis the Season.

2008-12-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

The holiday season is a time for many things. A time for reflection and self-evaluation. A time for love, a time for family, a time for joy and merriment, charity, and forgiveness. A time to celebrate the first breath that changed this world forever. A time when we remember Christ in Christmas, "For He is the light, life, and hope of the world." A time when we step back and put things back in perspective. Prioritize. Figure out what is really important and figure out what's not important. There is no point in worrying and fretting about things you cannot control. "Try your best, and then let go of the rest"- words to live by.
This is a time of tender endings, but a wonderful time of beginnings. Find the gladness in the sorrow. Seek out the silver in the gray. Spend time with your family and loved ones. Let them know how precious they are to you and don't forget to tell them why. Ask questions, talk about something meaningful, make memories. Open your eyes and realize what you have. Savor each moment, enjoy each laugh, remember every smile... 'tis the season.

Merry Christmas

"The List"

2008-12-01T00:36:00.000-07:00

People at BYU ask the strangest questions.
The questions themselves aren't strange, I suppose it's just my lack of answers that I find strange.
'How many boys have you kissed?' -Well gee, I never thought to keep track like that...
'How many dates have you been on?' -Mmm, it doesn't matter to me, does it really matter to you?
Ones like that are the most common, but then there are some that don't pertain to dating that I still don't have a good answer to.
'Greatest/worst moment of your life'
'Things you have to do before you die.'
Things I have never really thought about... I guess I've always been so focused on the present and never really taken the time to dwell on those kinds of things.
This weekend I had a chance to think about it though. I spent Thanksgiving break with my sister and her husband and we had a good laugh about all the fun times we had as kids. Man, we did some stupid stuff :) but all the reminiscing made me think about what's ahead, too.
So here is a list of the 10 most memorable things in the past, and 10 dreams, goals, and expectations for the future.

1. Snowball fights and skiing with the family and Steve, our neighbor
2. Trip to California all by myself when I was 8
3. Playing bedtime games with Whitney every night... and getting in trouble for it :)
4. Getting baptized
5. Daddy-daughter dates to the theatre
6. Baseball bat to the head on my mom's 40th birthday and my first week in the new school
7. Shenanigans of summer '07 with Stacey ;)
8. Titanic the Musical and choir performance at SWACDA Convention in Kansas City senior year
9. Speech/Debate: tournaments with Cameron and the old crew, State in Corpus Christi, team Doe/Mayer.
10. First month of college

In no particular order....
1. Attain at least a master's degree in psychology
2. Have a family of my own
3. Go scuba diving
4. BROADWAY and shopping in New York
5. Become a counselor
6. Be a member of every PTA and Booster Club my kids are involved in
7. Own a cabin in the mountains
8. Be a grandma
9. Serve a church mission with my husband
10. Live to be 90

My life in a nutshell... hope that answers your questions :)

People.

2008-11-24T11:04:00.007-07:00

People are funny.
And of course by 'funny' I mean strange, difficult, hard to read, wonderful, curious, and constantly full of surprises.
There is nothing more beautiful and comforting than the companionship of a friend. There is also nothing more fragile or complicated. Walter Winchell said, "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." Yet, at least in my experiences, your friends are usually the firsts to let you down. Why is that? A friendship is far more complicated than just 'give and take.' It takes time, commitment, trust, love, and about a million other things to really make it something worth while. It's about investment. It's about growth. Sometimes, it's about getting knocked down and walked all over. The greatest rewards in life come with the greatest price. It makes me wonder how anyone could fall in love. A friend of mine was recently discussing the profound amount of trust and bravery involved in loving someone and he makes a very valid point. People are so unreliable, so unpredictable. It's a wonder how anyone gets along with anyone. I can't recall even one person in my life who has not disappointed me in some way or another, and as much as it pains me, I'm sure there is not one friend in my life who I have not failed. So why bother? They let you down, you let them down... Why do we continue to bond and make friendships with each other and seek new relationships, and consequently, therefore be finding more and more people to fall short of our expectations? The cycle is infinitely regressive but we never let that stop us from putting ourselves out there on the line in hopes that we will find someone who will be different, someone who will be a true friend. What is a 'true friend' anyway? Someone who will always be loyal and faithful and never thwart us? If such a person ever existed, I assure you they would not being lobbying for a friendship with any of us. So we will have to just stick with what we have, continue to enjoy the good times and suffer through the bad, hopefully learning something along the way. Until the day when we meet our true *best* friend. The one that we can love with all our heart, and more difficultly, let them love us with all of theirs. Maybe then all the frustration, disappointment and hurt will pay off.
People are funny.
The little devils :) but life would surely be boring without them.